if you're going, I wish so badly I could come with you

My heart is breaking into
Every time I look at you
You're looking so far away
I wish you could take me with you
I wish I could see this through your eyes
It's hard to understand when you avoid my questions
Your reassurance is not at all enough
I speak to you and it's as though you can not hear me
You're here but you are gone
It's hard to lose my best friend right before my eyes
I talk to you about everything
I laughed with you, cried with you, yelled with you
We did everything together and now it feels so empty
I just want to see your smile and hear you laugh again
You always seem so blank or lost
I feel as though you're drowning in your thoughts and you wont take ahold of my hand
I just wish you would talk to me
explain anything at all so I could try to make sense of it
I don't feel like you are too far gone to do that,
I think you just don't want me to know
I love you too much,
I just don't know how to let you go


I am having a very hard time adjusting to what ever is going on.  My mamaw has not been acting right for the past few months.  I just don't know how to handle all of it.  I try so hard to get her to engage in some conversation or anything but she just wont or can't.. I don't know which.   Some days she is fine and others she is not who she use to be.  But I suppose if it is what we suspect then this is normal in this circumstance.  I go to the doctor with he Thursday for her blood test results.  I am hoping that they can help get her back to herself as much as they possibly can... Today was hard for me.  It makes it more hard when my family are constantly bringing it up an thinking of everything in the world that it could be, but I know they are just upset like me and I try to tell myself this but I hate being on edge all the time and they start getting me paranoid..  I don't know what it is, or what is going on.  I just want my mamaw back